Posted by Just Jamaal Saturday, October 31, 2009

You ever give much thought to how your actions may affect not only your life, but also impact the lives of those around you? What if it were really true that everything you did was interpreted by the universe and some sort of reciprocity was sent out to revisit you at a later date? Or is the universe just some chaotic jumble with no rhyme or reason? Do things just happen and that’s it? If you’re religious, you may tell me that God really is the shaper of things to come and it is God’s will that will dictate tomorrow for you and everyone else according to his/her/it’s plan.

If Karma is not just a concept and instead a reality, I always find myself thinking…"well, I must have done some pretty foul shit in my life..." Me? No, I’m the good one. I’ve never even considered doing anything grimy or dirty, much less DO any of them.*

But really, when things seem at their worst, when it seems as if that dark cloud just keeps following you no matter where you seem to be, it's then that you sit there dumbfounded trying hard to recount what it was that you’ve done to deserve THIS shit. What goes around comes back around…right?

But who decides the severity of it all? Who decides that my little transgression(s?) involving liberated goods when I was…younger, means that I should suffer through short money, ghetto problems, & debtors stepping firmly on my nuts? Or was that particular transgression not what caused that effect? Can a brotha get a chart or something? Before you tell me about how God doles out fair consequences for our actions and it is he/she/it that decides these matters…I mean really, God has nothing better to do than to mess with my head and my life?

How You Would Be Treated

I suppose we really do know the difference between wheat is right and what's wrong. Well, I'll speak for those with some common damn sense, because there are those of us that still can't tell the difference between an ear and an asshole. But we won't discuss them here. Not to sound overly passive (although I tend to at times), but maybe the answer really is in treating others how we'd want ourselves to be treated. That becomes so clouded when someone treats you foul. The question arises whether smackin someone with a doo-doo stick in retribution creates that universal ripple that will ultimately smack you back. Most times I don't want to think that far ahead, it makes my head hurt. At the same time, I'm tired...tired of wading through layers and layers of crap and I know most of it is of my own doing. Maybe we as humans just have this necessity to make sense of everything, even when it doesn't make any sense. Or maybe I'm just a wierdo-fuck-up that doesn't know any better. I know others have already decided on which I am, but I haven't made up my mind yet.

In truth our own personal quips and reality form the basis of morality that we operate from. It is based on these values (or lack thereof) that cause us to do what it is that we do. I used to think that was really simple, because I thought I was a good guy that looked out for the people he cared for, but recently, I've noticed there are still quite a few ugly pieces of my soul that haven't been cleaned up. Sometimes it can be complicated and the same experiences in our lives that pointed us toward kind and good behaviors also nourish the bits of bad that we allow to run loose and unchecked. So the trick is in keeping the good and pruning away the decay.

I remember some years back when I was in a bit of trouble, about 4 months behind on my rent, about to make it 5...utilities, and all breathing down my neck, as a matter of fact, they'd already turned off my lights for the weekend. My vehicle was dead and I was walking to work as a part time fast food knuckle head...shit was bad. I was talking to this older dude who was trying his best to give me some lessons about life...and like most knuckleheads of that age, most of it sounded like the teacher from Charlie Brown to me..."Whoah, whoangh-whoangh, whoah, whoah whoangh..." But a little of it sunk in. What I remember most was his telling me that no matter how deep the whole you find yourself in...the only way to get out is to start climbing. And that doesn't mean it will happen in one day...it may take you a while, but as long as you continue to climb, you'll get yourself out of it. Perhaps, in the end, that is the best way of dealing with this Karma question. Because right now, I still feel like I'm in a hole...but I can keep digging it deeper and ignoring the fact that I'm in a damn hole...or I can start climbing. Doesn't mean I won't slip and give up a little ground from time to time...but the goal remains the same...to get out of this hole.

I'm glad we had this talk...aren't you? Npw, about that $5 you owe me...

Be Easy

Note* If you know me personally and may or may not have been with me when unfortunate things have happened, I will whole heatedly rebuke you as if your name was Lucifer and you were making the nasty with Medusa on the back of a three headed serpent beast.


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